I’ve lost a lot of friends in my time. Part of it has been though happenstance, or at least forces I couldn’t, at the time, change. For example, being very … Continue reading That Moment Where You’ve Lost a Friend
So, last night I said goodbye to my best friend in the world.
Brielle, officially, is gone. As we speak she’s boarding a plane to New York, on her way to New York University, and the key to following her dreams. I’m crying as I write this, because she’s my best friend. I am so proud of her, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t wish that she were still here. Even with that, I know that she’s off to incredible things. I also know that her own blog, Pray Tell, is where you can stay up to date on what is going on in her life. Please, check it out.
Brielle, it has been a privilege. I’ll see you in a few months, friend. Thank you for everything.
Tonight I said goodbye to my best friend. It's the hardest goodbye I've ever had to say in my entire life. This incredible, talented, intelligent, beautiful, loving human person has found themself going to New York to follow their dreams. I just know that a part of me will be there, with her. I know that God has blessed me tremendously with you in my life. I just hope you know that that blessing is eternal. "I know that we tried to look at the stars, but when I dropped you off, they were right there, waiting. I guess that if you look hard enough, you can always see stars. She was my star. I hope she knows it." P.S. Kick some ass in New York!
I’ll see you soon enough.
Well, the last… four days – wait, has it really been four days already? – since I’ve last posted have been very… busy, to say the least. I’ve spent a lot of really intentional – and rather ironically, if that’s the correct use of the word “ironically”, lots of unintentional time, as well – with friends that I haven’t really spent a lot of time with, and whom I probably won’t see a lot of for the next year, or so.
It’s been wonderful. I’ve had so much great time with people who have meant so much to me in my life, and with whom I have been grateful enough to see myself grow in the last few years of my life. But it’s so difficult to be okay, especially in moments of weakness, when one is alone with one’s thoughts – as I may or may not be now, in my room, doing laundry and writing a blog post– and still know that things are going to be okay. Truly, my heart breaks every minute that I think of the people whom I’ve gotten the privilege to love, that will no longer be so close as a 25 minute drive away, or waiting for a certain time of week, in a certain hall of a university, or even a simple lunch hang out in a Catholic Boys’ School’s Student Activities Center.
I miss my friends. I miss my loves, both platonic and not. I miss the simple knowledge that they carry warmth immeasurable, unquestionable, and so familiar. I miss their smiles, coy, selfish, childish, impish, bashful, playful, understanding, comforting, and friendly.
I miss laughter due to innuendos, Shakespeare, poop jokes, and all the like.
I miss them. So. Damn. Much.
But that’s okay. – That’s really, really okay. –
I guess that now, above many other times in my life, I have to understand that life is so difficult because it has reason to be difficult. I can’t understand that challenge, and I won’t tell myself that someday I will. Maybe one day I will have the tenacity to say I understood it, through some vain, thinly-veiled lie I tell myself to comfort the still grieving part of my soul. But that’s also okay. It’s okay to mourn, and grieve. I’d rather mourn and grieve the living, because they too are still alive enough to understand that it sucks, and it hurts, and there is anguish.
But, even in that anguish, I still feel God. Actually, I feel it more right now than I have in a while. I feel that, even though I would rather not be in this situation, the reality of facing my fears – the fear, specifically, of losing one of my closest, dearest, most important, impactful, fruitful, and beautiful friendships – has made me more… me.
I love these people, but I don’t intend to stop them from being the people God intends for them. Instead, I hope to do everything I can to support them. I know that they’re already doing the same for me.
They’ve already been doing the same for me. That’s God’s love. That’s true love. Thank you, true friends. Thank you, love.
So, I only want to as much about this as I feel like I have to.
Brielle and I decided that it is in our best interests to no longer be together. (Oh, big shocker, they’re breaking up, again.)
But this time it’s for realsies. I hold no bad feelings for her, and vise versa. She still is doing a blog about her time in New York, and such, and I’ll be a big time supporter of that, as you might see in the next few weeks.
But, this split has made me want to blog more, so I’ll be taking this blog more seriously. It might be sporadic, as I find my correct footing, again, but trust me, it’ll be well worth it.
Thank you guys all so much, for the support and love and everything.
Please, pray for Brielle, and also for myself, as we deal with this, and other transitions in our lives. Things will be okay.
Thank you all.
Can I just say that mosquito bites suck? To be fair, there’s far greater pains that one can suffer, but they still suck. Horribly.
I grew up on a farm, and eventually, I got used to the mosquitos not biting me, for whatever reason. Maybe they grew accustomed to my taste and got bored, or they realized my total lack of nutritional value. Either way, from about the age of 12, mosquitos stopped biting me. That was, up until really, really recently, where it wasn’t the farm mosquitos, but the mosquitos from a lake, that decided I was their target now.
But honestly, I didn’t even get the worst of it. Brielle, not surprisingly (she’s the sweetest person I know, so it makes sense the mosquitos would also figure that out) took at her as if she were made of honey, and the mosquitos were a swarm of Winnie the Poohs.
So, she got bitten really bad. Actually, she had trouble sleeping due to so many bites. So, please pray for Ms. Pray.
Also, she’s working on a blog, and a name for that blog. So, she’d appreciate (probably) the intention and prayer sent in her direction, specifically towards that, and towards her move to NYC, which is coming up rather quickly.
Thank you all for tuning in.
Growing old is bittersweet. Especially when you seem to remain 5’6″, with slim to no chance of gaining any height. But height is only one measure of growth. Love is … Continue reading And Now, He’s 19.
This post needs an epigraph. As such, only an entire poem will serve. “Promise Yourself To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. To talk health, … Continue reading Optimists