Well kids, it’s been an interesting couple of hours. I have been mopeing around, as people tend to do. Mostly though, I can’t help but think about my life in the last couple of years.
I went through my entire Facebook feed, just reading my posts and other people’s posts, and I think I realized something.
The point at which I was the happiest, most productive, and best received by others was Early in my second semester of my Junior year of High School. It’s an interesting time, because it was only my second semester at a new school, but I felt so loved by all of my peers, and I was having a lot of fun with things. But this point in my life, chronologically, sat in between two major relationship situations.
It came right after I had been pretty seriously rejected by someone who I had really liked, and I had told myself that I wasn’t going to worry about romantic relationships or pursuits for a while. I needed to focus on myself, and all that I was good at and wanted to get better at. I focused really intensely on being better for myself and for others, and really, just in loving everyone that I could, instead of on trying to “love” any one particular person.
It’s funny because this also came right before I got into my first real relationship. All of that is okay, and I was happy in that relationship (fairly short lived as it was, though I still talk to that person), But I got consumed by that relationship, and most of the work that I did in that first part of that semester, before the relationship, really laid the groundwork for my friendships and my accomplishments and everything that I think of that was good that happened to me that year.
I realize now that I have the opportunity for the same type of semester now, where it can be so much about opening my self to love, and being love for others, and laying down that important groundwork. I’m not guaranteed happiness or productivity, or to be well received by others. But that’s not the point.
I want to do what’s best for myself, now. But I also feel that a lot of what is best for me is to, obviously still take care of myself and do the things that bring joy and happiness to my life, but mostly, to be present and loving to others. In striving to be a man with and for others, I find myself most connected with who I am deep inside. That’s the beauty of love. I want to do that now. I want to focus on myself by… not focusing on myself.
Okay, this was a long post. Thank you all for bearing through it with me.