Never Again

We all wait. We wait for things to come to us. Sometimes we take action and try to make those things happen. Some people are better about this than others. But everybody has waited. Everybody waits.

What are we waiting for? What spurs our inaction? What rids us of it?

We are all waiting for life. We are spurred into inaction by our “lack” of life, and we rid ourselves of it only when we realize we already have it. We are all alive, it is our choice or not we live.

Sometimes I forget this. Sometimes I am at a loss of who I am, overcome by the feelings of emptiness, and sorrow. We all are, I guess. Whenever I want to get out of this, it’s up to me to realize that I am still alive. I’m always waiting on somebody else to bring me back to life. Sometimes, when I’m lucky, somebody will. But how long does that last? Only as long as I let it.

I have been in a funk recently. I carry on, I continue to work my hardest at the things I need to work hard at, but I seem to lose cause for everything else. I need to realize that nobody can give me what I need. I must make it of myself. Only I can make myself whole again. Only I can bring myself back to life.

Never again, can I let myself be lost into something that isn’t really there. I must not get my purpose from an outside force, something so intangible and distant that it’s not even real. Never again will I let myself fall, at the cost of feeling empty, without cause for feeling empty.

I love all of my friends, the people that try to help me. This is not for them. I enjoy having all of my friends around. That’s not the point.  I will continue to be friends with the people that care, and to talk about stuff that’s going on. When I say “never again”, I mean it for the things in life that aren’t really worth it.

I am Jorge. I am the master of my own force. I make who I am, even if I am shaped by the things around me. I choose how and to what extent they shape me. I decide how I decide to be alive. I decide how I want to live.

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